Motor Bikes - the art of crashing

You have to love them, it's the excitement, it's living sculpture, rebellion, freedom. It can be a little dangerous and, with just a few exceptions, I've broken every bike I've ever owned. I started riding rather late in life at 30. My girlfriend at the time wanted one, I knew loads of people who lived and breathed them and I just thought, why not ? I think there is a sound track on one of the GTA games where the male radio announcer says 'All any man wants is to wear leather jackets, crash motorbikes and have a one on one with ..' - he's probably summed up the whole male ethos.

RSX100

My first bike, it never seemed to use any fuel and it seemed to run like clockwork but then, 3 weeks after buying it, it just stopped in traffic and wouldn't restart. Had I bought a lemon? It turned out I'd just run out of fuel ! There's something about simple reliable machines that make you love them. After a year I went to a garage to buy a large spanner to adjust the chain. I figured I ought to do some maintanence on it but I was sidetracked by a...

VFR750

It was the back tyre that caught my eye, for those days it was huge. I asked for a test drive and, not being stupid, they wouldn't let me drive and instead put me on the back with one of the garage hands driving. I was hooked the moment it started up. I'd say the bike was 3 times heavier than my last bike, 10 times more powerfull and about 3 or 4 times faster. I believe the exact same model was raced in some transatlantic race the previous year and won - maybe it wasn't the best progression from my trusty learner bike.

The bike was delivered to my place and I drove the neighbours crazy by going slowly round the block 50 times doing left hand corners and then another 50 times slowly doing right hand corners. I had the bike a couple of years and ended up driving it like a lunatic. I think I managed to go faster on this bike than any other - 150mph down a small B road - this wasn't a sensible place to do that speed but I figured I could see all the junctions so why not. Inevitably I managed to have 5 major spills on the bike and, though it was built tough, eventually I had to say it was the end.

I filled the insurance form (a non fault accident for once) and everything seemed to be progressing fine. Then we moved house and things were left. A year later I passed the house and saw the wreckage sitting outside my old house and thought it would be best to finish the claim ! I rang the insurance and they said no problem, just have the bike brought in and they'd pay. I went back at the weekend and found the bike had gone! and of course it was no longer insured now.

I couldn't believe anyone would take it far concidering the condition. I decided to check the local lockups and there it was, resting in the last one I looked in. It had had all the panels removed and the steering lock drilled out. I didn't feel bad about having the bike stolen concidering I'd left the remains dumped at the side of the road for the best part of the year. I moved the bike elsewhere and had it collected the next morning. The insurance people paid up and didn't ask any awkward questions.

At work I qualified for a company car and, after talking with them, I was amazed they would give me a company bike instead...